My Adoption Story...

Life got CRAZY, time to update!

2009-09-27T14:54:00.005-05:00

So, I know it has been a long time since I have written anything in my blog. I have no real excuse other than life just simply got crazy! I am going to use this entry to bring you up to date, and I will try harder to update on a more regular basis from now on........

July- Since the last time I wrote an entry, a lot has happened. All through out July J and I had day visits. We had a lot of fun going to the movies, the water park, swimming, and hanging out with friends. He always seemed sad when it was time for us to part ways. At the end of July I was planning on taking J out to CA to meet his new family. I had gotten permission from DHS in June and was going full force with my plans to bring my little guy home. Needless to say, NOTHING went right. DHS lost my file, misplaced my background check and created a whole lot of hoopla regarding getting things in order for the trip. Luckily for me I did already have permission, so I basically contacted the head of DHS (after everyone else wouldn't return my calls) and explained to her my situation and it got the ball rolling. I think I really made some people mad, but they totally let the ball drop! The head of DHS apologized and told me this should have never happened. SO, at the very last minute (like Monday and we were leaving for CA on that Thursday) everything was put into place and we were set for the adventure. We had a lot of fun visiting family in CA. J had never been on a plane before, so this was his first time. He said that take off and landing was his favorite part. We were VERY busy while visiting CA, but overall I would say it was a very nice trip! I miss being near my family so much, and being there with J made me want to move back even more!

August- Back to the daily grind we go! Summer vacation is over and now it is time to go back to work and school. I was excited to start my new job and meet my new 2nd graders. J was excited to start a new school too. When we got back from CA J went back to his foster mom for one more week-end, and then he was placed with me full time. Our "official" date of placement was August 17. Things got really hectic once school started. J's aggression got worse and he was testing every possible boundary he could. He has a really good teacher though, so that is helpful. He was having some trouble at school, he got 2 days of in school suspension within the first 2 weeks of school.

September- This is when things really started getting hairy! The boundary pushing and aggression just kept getting worse. I was starting to see sides of him I had never seen and I was started to see sides of me I had never seen and did not ever want to see again. It was taking a lot of prayer and support to keep my head level at this point. At the advice of the therapist and adoption specialist, we agreed to send J to a respite home for a week-end to give me a much needed mental break, and to give him a dose of reality. This did not work out as planned, for DHS did not provide and adequate respite placement given the circumstances. He came back that Monday with a toy, candy, and money. This is the day when things really hit the fan. It started when I was put into a position to be the bad guy because I had to take away all the things he was give from the respite home. Later that afternoon, J got frustrated with his homework and he just completely exploded. To make a long story short, I had war wounds and he ended up in a psychiatric hospital. They kept him at the hospital for 7 days. While he was there they started him on a new medication. The medication they put him on is used to treat Bi-Polar Disorder and Schizophrenia. Although he does not have either of those diagnosis, it is a mood stabilizer. I have to say, as much as I am against unnecessary medication, this seems to be working wonders. Since he got back and has been on the new medication things have been great. He has been pleasant to be around, we have had great days at school, and he is able to stop and think before he reacts to something. As much as I am enjoying what I see so far with the new meds, it does seem to make him more tired and he has lost some of his spunk. It might just be his body adjusting to the new medication, so we will see what happens with more time. We are going back to the doctor in the middle of October so we can change meds if we need to. This week-end has been good. We went to the fair Friday night and J had a lot of fun. Hopefully this means things will continue to get better so we can work on developing a home with each other. One piece of advise the therapist gave me that I think will help, is she told me to let school go. She advised me to focus more on our bonding and relationship rather than how he is doing in school. She even went as far to say that if he fails 3rd grade so what. As a teacher, this is hard for me to accept, but I do see the importance and priority wise, our relationship IS more important than his grades and at this point in the game, that is what matters to me!

I am in love with a younger man!

2009-06-24T20:59:00.001-05:00

Today we went to another therapy session. The therapist wanted to check in to see how things were going post adoption news. J admitted he was scared about not seeing his foster family anymore- which I can understand, he has been there two years. They are a really good family and his foster mom reassured him that she would always be "granny." He is excited, that is obvious. He got real quiet and sad when it came time for me to drop him off at his foster parent(s) home. I am going Saturday to see him perform at church. He sings in the men's choir- that is what he tells me. So cute!!!!

J knows I am going to adopt him....

2009-06-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday I went to a meeting with his therapist and social worker. We discussed a plan as to when we were going to tell J about the adoption and when he would come stay with me etc. Then last Friday I went to a staffing where everyone was in attendance. His foster mom, the adoption specialist, the family service worker, social worker, me, and one other lady who's title I am not so sure about. Anyway, things went well and all were in agreement about the direction we needed to go in. So today I went to his therapy session after work and they let ME tell him about the adoption. I said "J, I was hoping that you would want to come live with me and that I could adopt you if that is something you want. Is that something you would want?" "Yes ma'am." Then the rest of the session was trying to get him to open up about his feelings regarding the news, but he didn't say much. Later him and I were at the park and he kept mentioning me being his foster mom. So, I said J, I don't want to be your foster mom, because a foster mom isn't forever and I want to be your mom forever. And he said to me "I want to be your son forever."

Everything else will happen soon.........as far as my first over night visit, and when he comes to stay with me permanently.

I am just so excited about everything! I will be in CA from July 23-Aug. 6 for J to meet everyone and to show him my home!

:) :) :):) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

YAY for progress!!

2009-06-17T19:23:00.001-05:00

Today I had a meeting with J's therapist and social worker. Things went really well. On Friday we have a staffing where everyone involved will be there to discuss the situation. The therapist is going to recommend that J spend the week-end with me and that things get pushed through fast. She doesn't see any reason why this process needs to be held up anymore. We are going to tell J about the adoption on Monday. I am going to go to his therapy appointment on Monday and the therapist and social worker will be telling him about the plan that day. This makes me very excited yet at the same time a little scared because it is all becoming a reality!

Life is good!

2009-06-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

I am so excited to say that I got a teaching job for next year, teaching 2nd grade (my favorite), at a school where I know J will excel! This makes me way happy!

I spent some time with him out side of the school setting. Today we went to the local water park and we both had a blast. I bought us season passes so we can go several times this summer. He had never been before and he had so much fun. It was such a joy to see the look on his face! I really want things to move forward, they are kinda at a stand still- just the system- and I am ready for some movement!

My adoption shower + update

2009-06-03T20:13:00.000-05:00

Today has been a busy day! I had an interview this morning for a counseling position that would be ideal both financially and location wise. Then this afternoon I had my adoption shower at work. J got such wonderful things. I just can't wait for him to know, i think he will be excited and probably overwhelmed a little. I am blessed to have wonderful friends and co-workers! Thanks guys!!! Today it also seems like we may be making some progress also. I got an email from the case manager telling me that they are setting up a staffing for next week. This is when I get to meet all people involved in his case. I am looking forward to that. I got an email today from the case worker handling my paper work and she said it was all in order and that I should be hearing from someone soon to schedule the home visit. All of this means that things are moving forward and that is always good news!!

kjlkhoihl.ilhg

2009-06-01T21:32:00.000-05:00

I am excited to have the room pretty much done. There are a few minor things here and there I still have to get done but the furniture came in and it looks really good.

I am a little peeved today it seems that DHS and the treatment home where J receives therapy are at each other in a power struggle. DHS doesn't want a lot of time to pass between the end of the school year and when I see J again but the therapist wants to wait until I join him in therapy before they say anything to him. Don't ask me to clarify, because I am still confused. I emailed the case worker, so I am sure I will know more tomorrow. Luckily for me , DHS has the control, not the therapist, but still this is RIDICULOUS!!!

I think I might have to scream into a pillow tonight, I am mighty aggitated!

J's room thus far

2009-05-25T18:26:00.000-05:00

So this week-end has been busy as I have been painting and working on J's room. I ordered his furniture today and that should arrive in a couple of weeks. When the furniture gets here I will be able to finish his room and I will post more pictures. I am a little obsessed with his room, I just keep going in there and smiling! It is a surreal feeling to have a kids room in MY house! I love it!

well....

2009-05-12T20:24:00.000-05:00

I know it has been awhile since I have updated this, these last couple of weeks at work have just been soooooooooo hectic! I am ready for summer! Things are going well. I went to my 2ND adoption class last Saturday........I have to admit, they are not too horrible! Although, I could use some more sleep right now! I am moving along with the process. The court hearing went well with his siblings, and I was presented to the court as a potential adoptive home. There were not any objections, which is nice.

I am trying to sell my furniture so I can paint. I would love to paint his room on Memorial Day Week-end! Then I can go buy his bedroom stuff YIPPEEE!

J still does not officially know about the adoption, but today he made a couple of comments that I find odd and they make me think he at least has an idea that something is up.....today out of the blue he asked me when I was going to be a foster mom, then he told me he wants to stay with me, then he asked if he could call me mom (i blew him off and told him to go sit down because he was off task- which he was). Then later he told one of my other students to "leave my momma alone!" I mentioned these comments to his case worker so that they could address it- how are they planning on doing this? I don't know! I really want to be the one to tell him, I want to see the look on his face!

It looks like he should be living with me, at the latest, the end of June. It very well may be earlier in the month, it just really depends on when they do my final home study. I will take that into consideration for determining when I will visit CA this July.

Changed my mind.....

2009-05-03T18:26:00.000-05:00

So a friend of mine was at TJ Maxx and she saw this bedding and I like it a lot more than the other one, so I bought it and returned the other one to Target. I also returned the bean bag......i decided it was too much and I didn't really like it. If I decide later he needs a chair I will get a plain one.

I have already had a response to my furniture postings so hopefully the items will sell soon and maybe I can start painting in the next week or two!

Adopt PRIDE class #1

2009-05-03T14:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to my first class for Adopt PRIDE. Most of the stuff I knew from my training as a counselor. Most of it was an introduction to the system, the difference between adoption, foster to adopt, and foster care. They did give me a mountain of paper work to have complete. Yippeeee!

Today I posted on craigslist the furniture items I need to sell. When they sell I can start painting J's bedroom and getting that all together!

We are moving along

2009-04-30T20:03:00.000-05:00

Things are progressing nicely. Everything went through with my home study so I will begin the Adopt PRIDE classes this Saturday. That means that the next 5 Saturdays are going to be spent doing that. I am excited to get the ball rolling but my sleep on the week-ends is precious so I am not looking forward to waking up early again =(. It is for a good cause though.

They went to court today to discuss the case of his siblings and present me to the court and deal with my visitation. I haven't heard anything yet on how that went. I am looking forward to finding out.

I am going to post some pictures of the things I have so far for his room....I am super excited, can you tell???

oops

2009-04-23T21:48:00.000-05:00

apparently I should also proof read a little better, or at all really........sorry about that!

Home study #1 and more

2009-04-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

So today was the first of two home studies. Basically they interviewed me and told me a few things I need to do before J can live in my house. No biggie. So all went well basically! The next step is for me to start my classes and that will either being May 2 or May 9.

I also go the good news that I can take him to CA with me this summer. That means I will be able to introduce him to all of my family and take him to see so many wonderful things in possibly his future home state! I am sooooooooo excited about that!

I broke down today, bought a few things.........i bought a bed spread, a sheet set, and a basketball, football, and soccer piggy bank that they hard at target for $2.50!

I am looking forward to getting those classes started!

I can't help myself

2009-04-21T20:21:00.000-05:00

I had to buy something.....I was at the store looking at paint colors and I saw a few things for J's room that i had to buy, so I did!

I went to the hobby store to check out the scrap book materials. As i was txting my mom and telling her how much i wish i was near her where i could use all of her tools (i think she owns everyone invented) for scrap booking, she suggested to me that i make one online like through walmart.....and so i must investigate! While i was at the store however, i did find something to buy (of course). I bought him two picture albums one that looks like a basketball and the other a soccer ball.

J asked me today if i could be his foster mom...........i asked him if he had heard someone say something or if that is just what he wanted and he told me it is just what he wants. He is not suppose to know yet so i hope no one mentions it to him. I want him to know though.....at least it seems he will like the idea!

OK OK I'm updating

2009-04-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

I have been told by a dear friend that i need to feed her addiction to blogging and update. I haven't written anything because not much has happened. SO, forgive me if this a bore, but I suppose it is nonetheless information!

J's foster mom mentioned to me today that the treatment home where he gets his therapy wants me to take parenting classes to learn about behavior. My question to them is....I have a masters in counseling, is it really worth my time? If it is I will totally do it, but come on.....I am not so sure about that.

My first project is going to be to start a scrap book introducing J to my family and his new home. I am excited that I can at least work on something! I did break down yesterday and buy something for his room. I found a soccer ball shelf at TJ MAXX and some sport pillows there too. I have been checking out bedding and am doing a sports them because it is age appropriate and generic enough to last him until he is a teenager- side note, he will be 18 b4 i turn 40! WOW

The home study is Thursday so I am sure I will have more to report then if not before!

Thanks to everyone for all of the encouragement!

Home Study

2009-04-17T18:32:00.001-05:00

I found out today that DHS will do my home study next Thursday. This is a big step in the whole process.

Yesterday I went to check out kid furniture for his room....so exciting! I want to start decorating but I know I have to wait....at least a little bit longer.

Today before he left during dismissal he came over to me, gave me a hug and said "Ms. Reed, I wish I could stay with you, but I can't." (remember, he doesn't know I am going to adopt him yet). I gave him a hug back and told him I would talk to his foster mom and see if we could work out something as a good behavior reward. His whole face lit up and he gave me a big grin!

Things seem to be moving forward.....

I just wish other things in my life were this easy!

OK, so maybe this IS the way God wants it....

2009-04-14T20:31:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not know, I have had some anxiety regarding my newest life adventure. However after today I am feeling much better about everything and am actually getting excited! I was at the grief center where i volunteer tonight and I got the sign from God that I was looking for...the sign to show me that this is the right thing. You see, I had been talking to a couple I volunteer with at the center about THEM adopting J because they are starting to get involved with the call. I was really pushing it, letting them know all about him, talking it up, the works! SO, when the idea of me adopting him evolved I was a little nervous that they would be upset. Well, when I arrived tonight I was talking with them and told them what was going on and they got all excited. Janet told me that she felt in her heart that I was the one who needed to adopt him and she was praying about it. That just made my day.......is this all really happening? Oh, I also bought some books to read about helping kids who have been rejected. If anyone has ideas about good kids/picture books that I can read to him when he comes to live with me that are about adoption (not baby though), faith, unconditional love, etc. let me know!!

Moving Forward

2009-04-13T20:08:00.000-05:00

The adoption specialist called me today and told me that I should be getting a call this week to set up my home visit. Once that happens I can enroll in the foster parent classes. The classes are starting at the beginning of May and they are trying to get everything else squared away so that I can attend the May classes. If that is the case then I should be able to take over custody as his foster mom early this summer. =)

J had a good day at school today. He worked hard to be able to go on the field trip today.....he signed a contract for good behavior. He really enjoyed the ball game and was one good behavior throughout!

I am starting to loose my anxiety and get more excited about this whole experience I am embarking on. I want to start buying things and getting his room ready bu I know it is too soon for that! Maybe in a month or so...

A little bit about J

2009-04-12T21:54:00.000-05:00

J is a great kid with sooooooooooooooooooooooo much potential! He has not had it easy in his 8 years of life. Having spent most of his life in foster care he has been tossed around from home to home and yet he still smiles at me EVERYDAY!

J was adopted about a year ago, along with his younger brother and sister. After 5 months with that family they returned him to the system. I am not sure of all the details in their decision to do that. However, I am aware that they were unwilling to work with J and didn't really want him to begin with. Ever since J was returned to his foster home DHS has been working hard on keeping his siblings together. Now however, it looks as though that is not going to happen..........this is when they called me.

J is not an easy kid in class either, let me tell you. He has pushed me, hit me, thrown things at me, told me he hates me, cursed at me, and defies me just for the sake of defying. But I love him to death. He is the sweetest and most charming 8 year old I know. I have been working with him for several months and he is doing very well. I have found that he responds well to fair and consistent boundaries.

My head may have doubts about adopting him, but in my heart I feel that all he needs is a loving and stable environment with a family who loves him and is willing to work with him through the ups and downs.

I will keep posting updates on the status and experience of me, a single teacher, who is hoping to make a difference bigger than life for J!

The doors started FLYING open...

2009-04-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

Once I had it in my heart to adopt a child from the foster care system opportunity just kept knocking on my door. I started the paperwork process of doing the background checks and all like a year ago. I was interested in a particular child, but at the time he was still in a sibling group of three and they were working really hard to keep them together....understandably! Time moved on and I had heard nothing. Being a christian and having full faith that everything happens for a reason and I am living God's plan for me, I just figured it wasn't meant to be and I went about my life making other plans. Dealing with other personal things in my life I made the decision to move back to CA to be with my friends and family after having lived in AR for the last 5 years. I was putting full effort into these plans as I do everything I set my mind to. Sure enough, just as I was getting ready to move into another chapter of life, God throws me a curve ball. The first one came from my students foster mom. She mentioned to me that she was told about my interest in adopting my student....we will call him "J". I told her that I had been interested but since I hadn't heard anything in MONTHS, I figured it wasn't mean't to be and I was moving. She told me that someone from DHS would be contacting me. I sort of blew it off knowing how the system works. I mean after all, it had been like 9 months since I voiced any interest at all. Then, a few weeks later I get a call from someone at DHS asking if I was still interested in adopting. She told me she had "lost" my paper work and had just recovered it. I told her no, I wasn't and I explained my whole plan to her. Then, two weeks later I get a call at work from a case worker at DHS asking me if I wanted to adopt J. I told her no that my house was on the market and I was getting ready to move back to CA. She asked me if I was certain I was going to move and she told me how much J needs a loving and stable home and she asked me if I would think about it. I told her that I would think about it. Well it didn't take me long to start thinking that maybe God was trying to tell me something if it keeps being put in my face like that. After much prayer and discussion with those close to me I decided that this is something I need to do.

And so, I will be embarking on the most exciting, crazy, terrifying, unsure, yet rewarding experience of my life............I am going to adopt J!!!

For THIS is my destiny, and I WILL have faith!

2009-04-12T21:24:00.000-05:00

The beginning...

Being a teacher I come across children all the time whom I wish I could just take home and shower them with love. The school that I work at puts me in the roll of mother and teacher to many of my students. Never did I think that I would actually have the opportunity to make that all powerful impact by providing one of my students with a loving home and supportive environment.

My journey thus far began almost a year ago. Well really it began before that. As far back as I can remember I have wanted children.........granted, I want the whole package...some might call it the American dream. I had always had thoughts of adopting and figured it would be something I would do SOMEDAY. While working on my masters degree in counseling one of my professors, who is very active in the foster care system in her state, made me overly aware of the system and the children who are caught up in it. As I was listening to her stories and seeing her pictures, I became overwhelmed with emotion. I felt as if God was telling me that this was my path. In fact, I felt so moved that I went home and told my boyfriend that I didn't think it was in His plan for me to have children of my own...of course my bf thought I was crazy. However, this feeling never left me. I continued to feel this pull towards adoption. Not any kind of adoption either, but the kind that most people don't do. I wanted to help a child who may appear to be "hopeless" and who was at risk at being trapped in the system. I didn't want to adopt a baby, and I didn't want a child from another country. I wanted a child from the foster care system who is at risk of never being adopted. My heart was leading me in a direction I am still not fully prepared to go.....that is where the faith comes in.